Diaries of a working mom chapter 12: Back to work, again!

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Our baby is here!  Little Leo was born April 11th and he is doing great.  I am recovering well and very happy not to be pregnant anymore.  We are all enjoying the innocence and cuddliness of a perfect little newborn.
The other day, my nanny-share neighbor came into the house and asked how my first day “back to work” had been for me.  Was it hard to go back?  Or great to have childcare and get my brain re-engaged in the adult world?  I thought about this for a moment in my very sleep deprived delirium and something popped in my head that really resonated.  “It was … uncomfortable,” I responded.  She laughed and nodded, understanding exactly what I meant, having gone through the same thing a couple months ago.
Yes, change is uncomfortable.  
 
Leo, 2 weeks
Leo wasn’t even quite three weeks old that day, the day we had a new nanny start while I attempted to get back to running a company and thinking about IT strategy.  Before you judge and/or pity me, please let me clarify.  Yes, I’m back to work, but I now have full-time childcare for little Leo, and I’m working part time, from home, and nursing him whenever he likes.  For the next month or so, I’m only doing meetings if the little guy can join.  I’m primarily working behind the scenes as time and energy allows.  I actually think my situation is pretty darn awesome.   Having been through this once with our first son, I knew I wanted to get my head back in the game sooner but have the flexibility to be with my little guy throughout the day.  I’m very lucky to have a job where I can define the best setup for me, and to work with and live with people who support my preferences.
 
Despite all that, getting back to work has been very … uncomfortable.   Our new nanny started the same day I got back into it.  She’s competent, pleasant and so great with my little guy.  But I’m still leaving him to another caregiver, which is hard at any point: 3 weeks, 3 months, 3 years, whenever.  When I hear crying, I wonder if it is him or his neighbor buddy who shares our nanny.  Then I wonder if I should know!  When she shares a concern with me about him, I wonder why I didn’t notice it first.  When I’m thinking about work, I think I should be thinking about him and when I’m with him, I wonder if I should be working.
It occurred to me that we should all be a lot easier on moms coming back to work and realize that no matter when they choose to come back, there will be an adjustment period.  No matter how perfect the situation, no matter how much the mom is committed and in the game, it is still… uncomfortable.   It just takes a little time.
That all said, I am excited to be back and I wanted to say “hello” on my blog.

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